There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
