Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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