Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
