this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize