so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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