I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
