Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is it penis luge time yet?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
