After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
