I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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