I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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