I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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