i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
