kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
