i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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