I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
