Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
