He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is the high leading the old right now
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize