I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
