Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
