Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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