First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
