hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
