when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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