Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
