The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
