We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
