i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
