so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
