We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize