Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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