I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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