I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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