there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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