So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
