I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
