I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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