Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
