he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
