Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
