Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
