Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
