Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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