I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
