I just cut my nipple shaving
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
