im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it's like heaven, but drunker
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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