And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize