you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
