Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
