Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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