Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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