You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
