if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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