I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
