nut hugger
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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