Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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