i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
