fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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