she was so not down for the gang bang
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
