Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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