I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
