mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
