just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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