my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
why is half of my head shaved?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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