didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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