Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
