I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
