....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
