He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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