Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
