But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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