hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
