im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
