I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize