so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
