We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
