I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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