So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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