The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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